The Sembelence of Control
by Izumi Yukiko
Summary: It was raining. There was a time that she loved the rain, but now.....now the rain reminded her of nothing but depression and agony. Of losing, and letting go


Title: The Semlence Of Control

_Authors: Yuzuki and Nostawen Allesiel  
Prompt: The Beginning (Nobody's Colab Community Responce)  
Genre: Drama and Romance  
Rating: K+  
Word Count: 1765_

The soft patter of water pelting the nylon fabric of her magenta umbrella fell upon deaf ears as she stood facing him, those golden eyes she had come to seek out. She could lose herself in those eyes. Now, however, there was none of that mellow warmth she had grown accustomed to shining in their depths.

He was silent as she stood, cold but numb. She turned towards him in the winter storm that had blown in as suddenly as it would no doubt leave once nature had unleashed its fury upon the earth.

Kagome wasn't surprised. She had not really expected him to vocalize any of his thoughts, let her in and see the inner workings of his mind. Long ago, she had grown used to the fact that Sesshoumaru was a man who held secrecy and stoicism as closely as misers did fine jewels and coins.

It was a part of him that she both loved, and hated.

But then, love in and of itself, was a relative emotion. Different for any person asked to describe it, put it into words so others might understand the rollercoaster of the heart that one rode while partaking in it.

Love is a double edged sword. It can rebuild as it wrecks, leaving those in love adrift and alone in the sea of passion that would suck under its victim when they least expected it. Dragging them down into the dark abyss till of never be able to draw a deep breath again, only to let them resurface for a brief lungful of oxygen seconds before consuming once more.

She shifted in her beat up white sneakers, clutching the ebony handle of the umbrella a little tighter in her small, black gloved hand. The crisp temperature was managing to seep through the heavy dark green sweater and stabbing easily beyond her blue jeans that offered no support to shield her from the weather.

Yet, none of that caused the shiver that traveled down her spine. The slithering skate of ice that seemed to begin solidifying over her nerves was attributed to visiting the man who remained pale and silent a few feet away.

Unable to bare the silence any more, she found herself breaking it by saying the most aimless thing that came to her.  
"I put your grey slacks at the end of the bed before I fell asleep last night. Just in case you might need them the next day. You always were so horrible at coordinating your colors in the morning before you had coffee." She hurried on in a rush, despite how inane this must all have sounded to him. "It's bad enough that you walk around the house in only one sock until it's almost time to leave for work."

A few seconds went by in which he didn't contribute to her rambling. She looked toward him. "Speaking of socks, I found a pair under the bed when I was cleaning our room. It was the pair that goes with that one maroon shirt that I always say looks so handsome on you. The way it brings out your eyes and markings. It kinda causing your hair to almost glow." Kagome paused a moment to look off in the distance at a barren sakura tree before whispering absently, "I never get tired of looking at you. A self mocking smile tilted her rosy lips, her own gaze reproachful as she turned back to Sesshoumaru. "I doubt I ever will."

She gently traced the lines of his visage, the beauty of each tattoo of his heritage, down to the flat thin line of his lips. The same lips she was so familiar feeling on her body as they traced her skin and drove her to madness and ecstasy all at the same time. Swallowing the thick lump in her throat to clear the way so she could form coherent words again, Kagome found it difficult to continue on, though some force inside her prevented her from stopping.

Blinking back the sudden sting of tears in her blue-grey orbs, her voice shook as she said, "There are so many things I want to say to you."

"I want to tell you that it feels like I can't breathe when I imagine life without you in it. How my throat constricts and my airway closes and I can't seem to draw in enough oxygen to sustain me. I can't to tell you that I have never had sexual desire in my make-up until you stroked me for the first time, whispered in my ear words that make my body tremble, shake, and shiver with the unyielding need to know your hands on my body." She rushed on, her speech turnin g clear and strong, as though a dam had broken and she could not prevent the steady flow of words from breaking free.

"I want to tell you how I wake up every morning and life isn't so bad, that everything has a brighter sheen to it, how I now have a glow which radiates from within because of the love you feel for me. I want to tell you that this soft gentle look in my eyes was non-existent until I gazed into yours that first time and saw myself reflected in their depths and drowned in the sea of them. Went down and under the tide of emotion and found I don't want to ever surface again. How love was something I had been given, a feeling that was lukewarm to me because of the fear of having what I felt being used against me until the day I met you, and I found that it alit inside my heart into a towering inferno which blazes out of control. The flames reaching higher and higher to melt the ice in which I had encased myself in a long time ago, burning away any reservations I once had so that I might express myself to you. "

The lump plugged her esophagus once more, the moisture Kagome had held at bay until now coming back so that it took everything she had to keep going without turning into a sobbing mess. "I want to tell you that I love you so much, it breaks my heart. Fractures it into a million tiny shards that would pierce the skin of anyone else who tried to grasp them within their palms, but instead, lay docile in the tender grip of your love so that you might rebuild it into a whole entity again with functions better than it ever has. I want to tell you that as your hands traced the lines of my body that it was as though you were painting my skin with your fingers. The tips creating intricate designs with indelible ink that will never fade and broadcasts to all how truly happy I am with an inner radiance that shines from the inside out. How when I hear the loving endearments you say to me when we are making love my body yearns for you even more. That my arms ache to hold you in them, and want nothing more than to absorb you into myself. I want to tell you how I have never felt so protected as I do now, how nothing can harm me, how no one can touch me, how I no longer ever worry for a blow to fall because I know it shall never come. I want to tell you how my body rejects the touch of anyone else, how their hands are poisonous to me. How I crave yours while abhorring all others."

The small woman inhaled deeply as looked toward the man she had come to live for. "I want to tell you how I want to imprint your scent in my memory, bathe in you essence until you completely surround me from the inside out till you cannot tell where you begin or I end. I want to tell you how I can easily see myself with you for years, decades, forever. How we will be together experiencing things with one another that will be new and exciting because I have never had you by my side before. I want to tell you, Sesshoumaru, that you are my dream lover, my fantasy that came from the depths of my nighttime visions to take residence next to me."

The tears were falling freely to track in saline rivers down her pale cheeks, her vision blurry as she choked out finally, "And I want to tell you, that I love you. So very very much."

Kagome felt her knees give way as she crumpled down to the wet pavement, the water soaking her jeans. She barely noticed as she let the umbrella fall to her side. Her small fragile hands came to cover her face. She didn't attempt to stifle the sobs that shook her frame, letting them tear in tortured tones from her throat as she allowed her misery to pour forth in a torrent of pain and sorrow.

Raising her face to the sky, she let the cold water bathe her face to mix with the warmer substance leaking from the corners of her closed lids, she gasped out, "God I miss you, Sesshoumaru. I can hardly stand it. I don't want to stand it. I can't do this anymore. Not with out you"  
She read over the deep engraving of his name on the tall gray marker with his picture in a frame beside it. Bringing herself back to a semblance of control, the miko reached out with a trembling hand to trace the outline of his photograph, biting her lower lip to forestall another break down long enough to say brokenly.

"You know, when I met you, I had a realization. It was the beginning of something new. A chance to discover a wonderful, timeless and completely unique state of being. At last, I knew what it felt like to love and be loved. I was breathless with the epic quality of it all, the overwhelming passion I found in myself and you. I reveled in the knowledge that it was our beginning. Our start. What I didn't know, until too late, is that it was the beginning of the end."

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_AN: This is a collaboration between the married couple, Jenzuki-hime and Nostawen Allesiel, for Nobody's collaboration group project. The theme was 'Beginning', and so that is what we wrote about. _


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